Love So Hard

IMG_6563Somehow it’s that time of year again…we are en route to our annual vacation, this time to Punta Cana. This year we decided to mix it up a bit – Ella’s spring break isn’t until April 10th & we didn’t want to leave for someplace warm just as it’s starting to get nice (ignore the 70 day in February) in Wisconsin.

That means she still needs to get to school though, so for the first time we hired a nanny to stay with the kids for a few days. We feel very fortunate to have someone who 1) is willing, 2) we trust and 3) the kids like. Ms. Krissy works at our daycare and Will loves her, so it’s nice that our timid one will be comfortable.

That doesn’t mean it comes without worry & a whole lot of planning. I HATE asking people for things – even if I pay them, so IF I do so, I want to make it as convenient as possible for them. That means a whole lot of meal planning, cleaning & list making ahead of time.

Planning for Will was quite easy, just lay out clothes for each day & Krissy can take him to & from work with her. Ella on the other hand was a different story. Yes, there was laying out her clothes, but there were also check lists to make sure she packed her lunch, remembered her helmet (they’re rollerblading in gym class), got to Drew’s on-time and a list of responsibilities too – mostly all dealing with the pets. Feed the fish, let the dogs out, kennel the dogs, leave the basement door open for Mac, feed the animals, etc. You never realize how much goes into a daily routine until you have to write it all down – and that’s a lot to remember for an 8 year old!

By the time the planning was nearly complete, I was more than ready for this vacation. The kids were feeling a mix of emotions too – a bit or nerves, some sadness and a lot of excitement! They were so wound up yesterday afternoon that we wanted to murder them. They were driving us crazy! We couldn’t wait to get in the car and out of that house.

At the same time, saying goodbye is always hard. You’re re-running all of the lists in your head to make sure you told the nanny everything and checking to make sure you’ve packed everything you’ll need. We said our goodbyes & got into the car and immediately I felt…guilt & sadness. #momlife. How could I feel bad two seconds into the trip. I didn’t express my feelings but instead called my mom to make sure she had everything she needed for the second part of the trip. Continuing to plan kept my mind off of it, plus Ella & I were texting the whole time. We got to our hotel and as we laid down for bed I finally said out loud, “how can I miss the kids already?” It had been less than 4 hours. They were driving us crazy. We couldn’t wait to go. And yet here I was missing them.

How can you both love & strongly dislike someone so hard?!

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